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Thursday, November 25th, 2004
2:16 pm - Stolen Phone - send me your number.
I had my phone stolen a couple of weeks ago, and though it seems slightly pointless because none of us get in touch any more,
- if any of you have sent me messages in the past month, please resend them, and
- please send me your phone number, as they were all on the stolen SIM card. By phone or email, or as a comment here. And anyone else's number if you know they won't check here.

Is there any kind of holiday this year? I haven't heard anything about one, but I know it's tradition,
Just passed my one year with Pete, but was at home, so a non-event.
Other stuff too, mostly important, but not for here. Bah.
Hope you're all well.

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Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
6:26 pm - I Wish
I really wishCollapse )

current mood: Which innint bad at all either

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10:37 am
Everyone's noticed that's there's something off, and no-one knows what it is. La la la la la la. There's a suggestion I go get pills, but. I'm fucked up enough already, do I really need chemicals to add to that(and hush, because seriously, anything that slows Ben down atm is a good thing)? I still can't balance, and that's what's pissing me off, because there's something at the back of my mind that even I can't reach.

Also, Pete and I are going to Wargrave briefly on the 27th, and it'll be very amusing to introduce him to my sister and mum. I dunno if I'll hang around long enough to introduce him to dad. Uber-protective, uber-middle class parents who don't know a couple of rather important facts about me. I bet I get massive flack a few days later over the phone for him as well.

current mood: worried

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Friday, January 16th, 2004
1:26 pm
A belated happy new year to you all.

Dale was fun, But I'm now four days into my new Uni term, and being as slackerish as ever. I need to go sort out my accomodation, but first I need to check my money.

la la la la la la. I feel sorry for Joth.

And I want a chicken pie. I think I'll go there first, before I have my shower, else I won't have enough time. I hope they have chicken pies.

current mood: dirty

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Saturday, December 27th, 2003
8:58 pm
Don't suppose anyone feels like telling me what's happening over Dale? Only Kate seemed to know more than I did when she called a little while ago. Because I know fuck all, you see, and it'd be quite nice to know a little more than than the sum total of my knowledge at the moment, which is
1 - I owe John £50.something.
2 - Dale's from Monday to Monday.
3 - It's not actually in Dale.

current mood: no-one *ever* talks to me

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7:26 pm
*obscenely* boring little snippet of a factletingCollapse )

current mood: okay

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2:19 am
God, do you ever get to the point where you're just so fed up of the shit in your own head? I mean honestly, I think that's why I was doing so much recently, so I wouldn't have to put up with my own internal monologue. And now I'm at home, and going out my head because there's no sparkly shiny for me to be going deliberately singleminded about.

current mood: stressed

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Friday, December 26th, 2003
11:46 pm
there's a few lines in this story that makes me want to say:

Also? I'm sorry that I put you down sometimes, for no apparent reason other than being nasty. I don't think enough sometimes, about how you'll feel if I make someone else look smaller so that I can feel bigger.

But I can't now, because it'll make no sense, so the ones of you that feel that you need this, can take it as applying to you to, else I'll forget to say it to your faces.

*sigh* This won't make sense to anyone, will it? I swear, I should be be off my head or something, to be this maudlin-ly incoherent.

current mood: contemplative

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Thursday, December 25th, 2003
2:50 am
I've seen watched that Madness musical on telly. It got a TV premiere on BBC3 at 00.40 to 2.40, and I think it deserved a far better spot. (One not on BBC3, for starters, and possibly something in primetime, given the way the real schedule looks. But I'd settle for a late night BBC2 slot for it.) It was all pretty. If a little trite, but then aren't all these things? Muxch better than I would have thought, anyway.

Happy Christmas/whatever, everyone. Don't eat too much turkey or anything, and try not to fight.

And with that, I'm off to bed.

current mood: mellow

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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
11:30 pm
Meh. I'm no longer cold, except for my mouse hand, but I'm not exactly warm either. And this has taken four layers. For an indoor space, I'm sure that isn't right.

Today I ran errands and got yelled at and met up with Tamina and ate at Pizza Hut and then went to see ROTK and got Xmas presents and got yelled at and met my dad on the train with his Xmas present sticking out the top of the bag. I think that's about it.

Oh, and got an anonymous comment. Anyone want to own up?

current mood: bitchy

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Monday, December 22nd, 2003
4:35 pm
My eye hurts. Possibly it's time to change my lenses again, because it's been sore all day. Anyway, far more importantly, I've stolen my dad's chair, seeing as he never uses it and it's the one single comfy computer chair in the house. Anyone think he'll even notice before New Year's? I'll put money on him grumping for ages when he finally notices though.

Meeting up with interesting people over the weekend was fun, only I seem to have lost my sense of humour. Damn. Maybe time spent with you guys at Dale (I got talked into it by Beth and Matt yesterday) will help.

Eh, at least mum has *almost* got the difference between Pete and Jon sorted out; maybe it's time to start talking about new people. Hmm, wonder if I can convince her that Drug!Boy fancies me, and has an obsession with breasts and BB guns? But that'd make SPD cool *mind explodes from the sheer unlikeliness*!

Ow ow ow, my eye! I really should go put on glasses or something, but they make my eyes hurt too. Honestly, I'm so lazy.

current mood: Neh. Still bored.

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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
3:04 pm
This might be really dim, and I might have missed out on it entirely, but what happened to the third Harry Potter film? I haven't seen any of the press for it, and isn't it normally out around this time of year? IMDb just says in production for 2004, although I notice the other movies seem to have beem similarly scaled back. What does that say about the life expectancy of the franchise?

And as far as ROTK is concerned, yeah, I fully plan on seeing it six or seven times, I just haven't seen it once yet, and have no plans to see it either. Damn my short attention span and my total immersion in fandom after the first one!

Ah well, at least I'm free from the drinks party I got dragged along too, and I managed to see the boyo (and get drinks from him and his brother) yesterday.

current mood: bored

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Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
10:29 pm - Retraction!
I'd forgotten how hard my two best friends and unofficial minders had been working to keep me occupied night and day for the past month. I'd forgotten that coming home means that I can cook, and I know where the ingredients are coming from, and how much better they are here than at K. I'd forgotten that I'm meeting up with a very good friend from Henley tomorrow, and that I deliberately didn't go out on Sunday, because I was falling asleep on the couch. I'd forgotten that though most of my old friends aren't talking to me, I'm not talking to them. I can't believe I'd forgotten that I've kept in touch, if somewhat sporadically, and only when I wanted their help, with the people who matter to me. I'd forgotten that I've been meaning to clean my room since the second I walked in the door - it's unliveable the way it is. I can't believe I'd forget that I brought most of my sparkly things home with me, and that I was offered more sparkly things soon. Soon, there'll even be an entire treeful of really tacky shiny sparkly things going up, and staying up for days. I can't believe that I'd forgotton that even my new friends are only a phone call away. I can't believe I'd forgotten that I was going to use this month to get some space to myself, to figure out my head and to detox from everything I've been putting my system through ( and through my system!) recently. I'd forgotten that I can always wear more clothes, and walk around the house in my great fuck-off coat.

There's probably more things I've forgotten on both lists, good and bad, but as I've noted recently, I've forgotten where I've put my short term memory, so add things if you want.


current mood: sad

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10:04 pm - Gah!
I'd forgotten how boring it is around here. I'd forgotten that I don't have any friends around here any longer, and I can't believe that I forgot that my house is really fucking boring - no sparkly things, no shiny things, no friends, no decent conversation, no drugs, no nothing. All I've been doing since coming back has been sleep, cook and eat, and I hate it. I can't believe I've got a month more of this, and I can't believe I'm going on holiday with two (three?) couples for a week, to a place I don't really like, that's miles away from fucking anywhere, on a holiday I can't afford. I might have to tidy my room, do exercise, or start doing some holiday work (as in essays, not a job. I can't get one; this close to Xmas all the jobs are taken, even though I really need the cash), just so I don't go out my skull. That, and, y'know, I ache, and just have to wait to stop hurting. Grrrr. And it's so cold here! I can't ever seem to get warm! I know that was my chant at K., but it's so much colder here than in K., because at least we had heating in K.


current mood: bored

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Saturday, December 6th, 2003
11:26 pm - I'm just going to sit here and spam.
Didn't go out, have just put in my laundry so can't head for blessed oblivion for at least another hour, feel like really shitty shit, and keep getting kicked off MSN for no reason.

Would like to think that I feel so shit because I really liked Fluffy, but am aware that it may just be because I'm already going into withdrawal from all the contact. Want to be very drunk, but know that the only way of achieving that was to go out with the guys and hit on Fluffy. And I'm a bad enough maudlin sober, I really don't want to be a maudlin drunk, not even a maudlin dancing drunk.

May go home tomorrow when in London to see family, but know that they will be no help, and will just worry them, even though I have a ticket back from R. because it never got checked on the way back last time. I don't think I could realy explain any of this in a way that makes real sense, not to me, and definitely never to them. That'll make Xmas fun this year. God, and I was so looking forward to Xmas since about October this year as well.

current mood: frustrated

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4:21 pm - No boyfriend. Not even a not-boyfriend, any longer.
So we mutually agreed that everything should end last night. Neither of us was very happy, we're both ok with it, because we had nothing in common, and it was mutual, and it wouldn't have lasted anyway. There was no point in stringing it out to Xmas, or god forbid, beyond, when we knew it was ending, and it immediately made us both happier (well, it made him happier, and me happier in a 'shit, I like him, but not in *that* way' way). So we'll go back to being friends, as we should have been, right from the very start. Also, I was aware that in spite of me being older, it was basically a teenager going out with an adult, and that wouldn't have worked.

But there were uncomfortable jokes about strings of one night stands. Of course, we'd prearranged going out with a load of friends tonight, so this ought to be fun. Does anyone want to play the game of guessing how desperate/upset I'm going to get, and whether either of us'll hit on the other? And I'm meant to be getting on a bus at 6/7 am to go to London for the day tomorrow. I'm not a clever bunny, I'm really not.

current mood: sad

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12:11 am
Dunno why, but I'm in a *fantastically* good mood right now. I was gonna do mushrooms with the guys again, but then I had a sip or two of the coffee and felt really ill, so I fucked off and told them all I'd copped out by text. I was going to go have a nap, but instead I sat there and read my way through The Face, which I brought a little earlier with Goth!Boy, along with some chocolate.

Is it just me or has The Face turned from being slightly gay into really gay?

Anyway, I made my room into mine again, and not the roommate's, by figuring out that part of the reason the room smelt so bad is because the milk carton from last week's mushroom freakout was still sitting in an overheated room on my bedside table. Duh.

I've done as many stretches as I can remember from school, and gotten all the evil kinks out. I can still feel the muscles in my shoulders hurting and being far too tense, hunched up into my shoulders, and I'm shivering all over from it, but it's made me feel better. I *must* go to yoga or something, or at least learn to stretch properly, because I feel so good now. I'm still bone tired, because I only got three hours sleep last night (7am til 10am, natch), but my body feels awake, which it hasn't for a good long time. I'm even just naturally smiling, which I almost never do, but I feel gooooooood.

Pity I can't sit properly at this desk though, because I can feel my back kinking again from where I fucked it up (no prizes for guessing how) earlier today. this chair is ever to slightly too short, and the hole in the desk where my legs should go is being occupied by my harddrive, and I prefer sitting crosslegged anyway. It's a shame that I don't have a place to put my legs though - the hole doesn't come up high enough to sit crosslegged, and there's a drawer in the way. Silly pain in the arse pre-computer desks!

Just talked to VTV and I'm still feeling good. This is one hell of a natural high in that case. I wanna go walking in the country tomorrow I think. it's a way to the country though, so I'll probably end up exploring the wild ground behind the Uni, and I know I'll end up trespassing on something. Actually, that's not true. I promised Goth!Boy I'd go sofa-shopping for the common room with him, and that'll take me into town, which is the last place I wanna be right now, but as I blew off obligations today, I'd better not start blowing all of them off.

And this post was twice as long when I was writing it out, because it had a load of feelings about what I've been doing in, but I don't want to put them up in a public forum, so you'll just have to glean what I may be feeling from the spaces between the words, as ever. And dude, it's maybe not that I feel so good, up in my head.

And then I walk away from this whole thing for a few seconds, and my good mood returns. I'm mad, I tell you, mad.

current mood: weird

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Friday, December 5th, 2003
7:24 pm
But he can't love me, and he can't tell me that. There's like a week more of that, but that's the thing I wanted to say. Heh. this is "getting heavy".

current mood: sore

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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
3:29 pm - Silicone on the outside!?!
Gacked from viggorlijah, is it wrong to really really want the white one with black spikes? But I guess the bra itself isn't that nice. Maybe the black one would be a little better. But the price!

It'd go really well with my 20th birthday present to myself (even though it might be a very early present, because I was thinking of getting it this or next week). . .

Ok, the only place I can ever think I'd wear it to would be at the Safer Sex Ball, and there's a year to the next one, seeing as it happens on World Aids Day. It's not something I need. But next year's one won't be organised by Jess, (I think. . .) and I do want it. Damn.

current mood: still want it though

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2:27 pm
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?Collapse )

current mood: chipper

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